I think people call it a story?

Don’t read this if you’re gonna go around calling me an attention seeking whore who just wants people to pity me, because that’s not what this post is about.

The whole thing about Kurt’s dad in the GLEE episode about religion really brought me back to when my mom nearly died two years ago. It’s never something you expect to happen. 

My mom had had routine surgery made. Everything was going great. I remember it like it was yesterday. 

One of my brothers had come home to visit and see how she was doing. He was gonna leave later that day. My dad had to go out and buy some food. Me and my brother were sitting, talking, laughing having fun, when suddenly the phone rang. My brother went to pick it up and came back 2 minutes later. His jaw was shivering, his eyes were filled with water. I walked up to him and asked him, “what’s wrong?” and he just pulled me really closed and cried. He then looked in my eyes and told me to get my coat. We were going to the hospital. 

When we got there, my dad met us at the entrance. He ran up to us and hugged us both. I could feel my dad and my brother’s bodies shaking as they cried. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t. It wasn’t until I was sitting in a window, looking down at the people walking on the street, that I cried.

And I hated them all. I hated every single person out there, but most of all I hated myself.

I hated myself because while my mom had been fighting for her life, I had been laughing, joking with my brother. I hadn’t even been thinking of her.

I don’t know how long it took but at some point a doctor came into the room and told us that my mom had suffered a stroke, caused by a blood clot. 5 times. 5 times he said, “she was dead,” and I couldn’t move. He also told us that she was already doing great. Half the clot had already dissolved because of the strong anticoagulant they had given her. Still the word “dead,” kept running through my head. As soon as he left the room, I put my head in my hands and cried. 

She had been dead.

My mom had been dead.

Several times.

At some point we were asked to move to the floor she was on. As we walked into the ICU, I stopped in my tracks. I didn’t wanna see her. I was sure she wasn’t gonna survive and I didn’t wanna remember her like this. Sick and in a medical coma.

I waited 8 hours before I suddenly got up and walked down the hall, my oldest brother’s hand in mine. I got inside and it was like my whole world stopped. 

I couldn’t even recognize her.

I wasn’t there for more than 5 minutes, then I had to leave.

My other brother, who lived in Oslo at the time, had flown home with his girlfriend and I remember the first time he was in the room, it was with me. We were standing side by side, looking at her, when suddenly that sound, sounded through the room. That horrible, neverending “beeeeeeeeeeep”. I remember looking at my brother who looked down at me and his eyes said it all.

We’ve lost her.

Nurses came running but it turned out that the thing that had been monitoring her blood pressure, had just fallen off.

My brother stormed out of the room and I found him, mere minutes later, sitting in the hall, his head buried in his hands as he cried. 

I just kept walking. 

I walked down to the rest of my family and I stepped in the room, my face covered in tears.

My brother rushed to my side and held me really close as I told him what had happened. 

The rest of our family, left the room and at one point my other brother joined us. 

I remember how we sat, my oldest brother in the middle and me and my other brother on a side each. I remember how he put his arms around us and we cried together.

I remember how only an hour later, my aunt who had been with my mom, came running, saying she was waking up. 

We ran to my mom’s room and as we stood by her side, she opened her eyes.

That was when it hit me.

It really was her.

We left her room when she fell asleep again.

I slept on the hospital that night with my dad and my uncle. I remember waking up at 6am. It all coming back. I remember being alone and how tears just started streaming down my face all over again.

I remember how my uncle came in and just held me as I cried.

I remember being scared of telling my dad how I scared I was.

I had dreams, where I saw myself at my one wedding. My dad on my right and and empty chair on my left.

I remember being told that day, that my mom was gonna be okay.

14 days later, she was out of the hospital.

2 years later, she’s back to her job and normal life. She doesn’t even have to take any medicine anymore.

I was blessed, but it hurts knowing, that not everyone is as lucky as me and my family. 

Therefore, my heart goes out to anyone, who has, who are, and who will be in this situation. 

Just know that you will get through it.

Just stay strong.